Category Archives: The Untangling Tens

December 10th – to everything it’s place

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Christmas in Solvang

Christmas in Solvang

It was our first Christmas as a married couple. Our small apartment had all the Christmas touches I thought was essential, the only thing was i had not been the one responsible for keeping them beautiful before! As our first guests arrived I was truly dismayed when they just used our home like if it was, well a home! They put clothes in the hallway, books on the tables, cameras on my newly ironed tablecloths, wash bags in the bathroom! They did not want to sit quietly and not move so that my decorations stayed decorative.

Luckily it did not take me long to rearrange my ideal looking Christmas from an advertisement to a place where  friendship could thrive, without Santas getting in the way. Since then I have some untangling rules about the things I do put up for Christmas and any other festive occasion.

Do not add, deduct.
Holidays takes place, not only in our hearts, but very much in  real space and time. Holidays normally crowds these physical spaces more than the rest of the year, with people, with stuff, with food. Which should make it evident that for all of us who live in normal houses, we need to make room for the holiday to happen, not fill up the space we have with clutter.

Decorate only surfaces where no-one sits, eats,perches or lounges.
Oh yes, to have a meal in a magic forest of snow-fairies and angels is a thing to remember for every child that has experienced it, as I did when growing up. Oh no, having to take these darling creatures off the table and rearrange them every time someone spills something is not. Now I decorate the banisters, the fireplace and the windows. The place is transformed, and keeps that way.

Too much?

Too much?

Make it big and make it again. 

I always decorate the mantel. It looks impressive, it never is. The stuff I use for this decoration stays in one box, then I add water and greenery and I am done.My wreaths are big, green, undecorated and go on the same hooks and the same doors every year…and the outdoor ones are fake. Out of the box, on the hook, back into the box. I add one big thing every year, but always something that will be reused or recycled or can be used the whole year. This year I have bought a big clam shell and filled it with pine cones.

If you need it make it nice.
Instead of adding stuff, I replace. I use my green towels all year of course, at Christmas I make sure they are on top of the stack. I put red flannels on the bed and Christmas towels in the kitchen. Very sensible. Then I do something totally unnecessary, which I love. I push our ordinary mugs, cups and plates to the back of the cabinets and put my Christmas China to work. Some settings are left on a tray on the dresser, signalizing to everyone that enters: just a minute and we’ll have coffee!

Which is what it’s all about isn’t it? Making time and space for friends and family to enjoy the company of each other, to strengthen what binds us together. You are welcome!

What's all the fuss?

What’s all the fuss?

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.Today they are from yesterday’s visit to Solvang.

December 9th – I don’t decorate

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IMG_1392 kakebakerWhile we were having lunch the world was transformed. From rain to the most wonderful ice storm. Every single twig was frozen into a magical crystal. So beautiful!

Except we were going to a Christmas party out in the country, should we really brave those slippery roads? In the end we did, and had a true winter wonderland experience, which even got better when we finally where inside the big old farmhouse. No inch was undecorated, every spot was filled with something beautiful or funny or interesting. Every possible theme for Christmas decoration was exhausted. As it was so tastefully done, it was a marvel to behold. I did not know the people we were visiting, but  as I praised her collection of Christmas stockings, she took me on a tour of the whole house. Never before or since have I seen anything like it, the cats had their own tree, the deer in the park had their own tree.As I thanked her for the tour, I asked innocently ” And what do you do?”. She looked seriously at me with big blue eyes : “I  decorate!”

IMG_1393 julealvIndeed she did. To me it was an awakening in many ways. First of all I realized that what I aimed at when I decorated was not possible to achieve in between, before and after everything else I had to do. Even if I love to decorate, it is not what I do.I do a lot of other things, but I could never be willing to set aside the energy, time and money involved in a transformation like this.

Having realized that freed me from taking part in the “Perfect Christmas” competition that every magazine wants to enroll us in. Being free from comparison i could concentrate on how my Christmas touches would enhance the celebration we wanted, the life we want to build, the faith we want to share.

From then on decoration is not about decorating, it is all about picking symbols that makes real and tactile all that is difficult to put into words.

So, even in a house filled with greenery, candles, wreaths, angels and gifts, it is not about decorating. It is my way of letting our home remind ourselves and our visitors about what is important to us.
It is love without words, but with evergreens and lights.

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated. Today they are from the Christmas windows in Copenhagen this year.

December 7th – homemade with stress…or love?

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IMG_1905 garn“Why don’t you just knit some socks for my kids for Christmas?” I will not tell you who said this, he probably thought he was making it simple for me. He caught me in the middle of gift making and did not meet a jolly elf, he met a fuming one. “Of course I can, then you can give each of our children what you earn in 8 hours, I retorted”. Not an answer to be proud of, I know, but it made me think. When did I allow it to become a question of money?

At times it is, with good ideas, time on your hand and free materials, making gifts could be cheap. It normally isn’t. The Alpacca wool mittens I am working on now, takes 25 Dollars worth of yarn and at least 10 hours work. The strange thing is, I have been giving self-made gifts since I was five years old, and I should know by now that quite a few people do not really appreciate a home made gift, so why so I keep doing it?

It took me years to shift my mind from having to make gifts, to wanting to make gifts, to being allowed to make gifts, to enjoying to make gifts, to craving to make gifts. Which is where I am now.

I realized it was not so much about giving as it was about being.
It was not about money, it was all about values.
It was actually not about the product, it was about the process.

I have to be a person who makes things, that is the simple truth.
I love the way my house looks with a basket of knitting next to my chair.
I love the way I feel when thoughts are allowed to come and go, dusk is slowly falling, the fire is roaring, the music is playing and soft yarn runs through my fingers.

To be honest, making gifts is about who I am, not about what I do. When I finally saw that truth I was able to let go of all the hassle of gift making and keep the love of making gifts.

For some weeks in fall and early winter I have a project waiting for me in my knitting basket. I steal moments of pure joy with those bundles of softness and color. Sometimes there will be results too, which I am thrilled to share with friends and family.

At all times the result is a happy me, which around the 15th of december congratulate myself with work well done, clears away all craft supplies and knitting, and ventures out to buy my dear ones what I can truly afford, with love. Next year perhaps a new person will be the one who get’s something crafted straight from my heart, who knows. They all get peace and gifts with no hassle or stress attached, and with no hours counted.

IMG_1907 knitting

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.

December 6th – to all a good night

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Even Santa needs a rest

Even Santa needs a rest

Did you ever hear the theory of the sleep train? According to some experts we are not able to go to sleep any time, we have to wait for the right train to the land of Nod. Like in the real world, we get ready for the journey, we wait at the platform, we board and then, on the sleep train, we fall asleep. If we fail to catch it the next train leaves in two hours. The thing is, if we do not board the right train we will be late. If we keep boarding the wrong train we will get desperately late, and never be able to catch up.

Our problem, according this study, is when we are ready at the platform, but as soon as  the right train is approaching we turn around and run in the other direction so that the train won’t catch up on us. Silly. I used to do that, especially at Christmas time.

longing for a soft pillow

longing for a soft pillow

When getting the kids ready for bed I was so tired I could hardly stand on my feet. Instead of catching that train I would do chores to keep awake. As soon as the train was pulling out of the platform I would feel awake and start on a Christmas project. Making gifts, baking or organizing. In a couple of hours the next train would pull up, and I would fold laundry or stack the dishwasher until it left. Then I would be going at the sewing machine for some more hours, until finally waiting for the next train while tossing and turning in my bed.

I never felt like I was a top of all I had to do. Luckily I saw this program on sleep disorders and recognized how i was depriving myself of the one thing I needed most. From then on I tried a different tactic. I gave myself set hours. If paid workers could leave their work in the evening, so could I. When the children were in bed, I would curl up on the coach with knitting or a book. Then, as soon as I felt tired at all, I would just go to bed. No need to say that Christmas has arrived every year since then, so all my late nights were totally not necessary.

It took me thirty years to grow up and not wait for somebody else to call it a day. As for the knitting, that will be tomorrow’s post!

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.

December 5th – hij kommt!

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Not worth handing over

Not worth handing over

Turning on the News a day in late november we were shocked. We were in the Netherlands and saw hordes of people waving and singing, jumping and dancing to greet a crowd of boys with black coloring in their faces followed by a bishop on top of a white horse. What was this? We did not figure it out for days. Then I was in hospital with our new-born and the bishop came again, handing out oranges. Curiouser and curiouser. Of course everyone was willing to tell me, when I started asking. It was Sinter Klaas, the turkish bishop, Saint Nicholas, who every year come from Spain with his entourage of moorish boys to hand out gifts for the good children. The original Santa Claus and lots of political incorrectness.

Old stocking gifts as decorations

Old stocking gifts as decorations

I asked and I studied and I pondered. To the Dutch this holiday had become the day of the big presents, family and lots of food. We saw no reason to adopt that. What we could do and what we did was to go back to the earlier tradition and adopt that. Since then Sinter Klaas has been celebrated every year in our family, and no one in Holland would recognize it as such, if they were not from a tiny farm a hundred years ago. It has been our way of introducing a Holiday Gift Concept that is not about how expensive everything is, but to find something suited for the recipient. As tradition tells, the night before the kids set their wooden shoes in front of the fire-place. The next morning we will have breakfast in our pajamas, with a roaring fire. Everyone gets “something to do, something to read and something to eat”. That is it. And as that is what the now grown kids expect from breakfasts around the fireplace, that is also what we do for stockings. Except for Christmas I add something to wear with a festive touch and either a Christmas decoration, or something funny. No fillers, no junk sweets, no junk nothing.

Findig the key to new traditions

Finding the key to new traditions

Of course I still have to buy or make it, but it is so much easier to do when you know you are buying four plaid pajama pants and four books and so on.

Have you ever tried being a foreigner? Say if you forgot everything anybody had told you about how thanksgiving or Christmas or birthdays was supposed to be celebrated, and could decide a new take on how you would do it? I love traditions, and as I also like playing with words I look at it this way.

Tradition comes from the latin word tradere which means to hand over.

As we grow we are allowed to and have to carry more and more of the bundle of things our forebears have put in that handover pile. I think our responsibility to the next generation is to know what we hand over to them. Traditions could be a great tool to remind each other of the things we do not know how to say. Traditions should enhance our values not exhaust us. Most of all traditions should be the joint effort of everyone it concerns, there is no priesthood for Christmas goddesses.

Which leaves us with the responsibility to add, to deduct to change and to enhance before we hand that Christmas bundle over.

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.

December 3rd – the serve again meal

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Mrs. Claus is getting wiser.

Mrs. Claus is getting wiser.

One of the first Christmas pictures I remember was taken when my father was still a student. We lived in a tiny student housing and money was scarce. What did they do for Christmas? The picture shows my mother with a pig’s head and a toothbrush, cleaning it to make the traditional pressed meat. That was just the start, as we moved to bigger houses more and more of the traditional fare was prepared and consumed around Christmas. My parents made it all themselves, hams and cold cuts, chutney and cheeses, sausages and pates.

The first Christmas my husband and me were to celebrate in our own home, I bought half a lamb and a pig and was ready to start. I just checked with him to ask if there was something special he wanted. Nothing, he did not want anything. Not to be kind, he just was not used to that way of celebrating. Deeply troubling to a traditionalist like me. This had to be done, and it looked like I was the one that had to do it. For some years I forced ahead. Never on the same scale as my parents, but always making lots of strange stuff we were not able to finish.I even made fun of everyone who tried to behave and prepare like they lived on a big farm with lots of people when most actually lived in small apartments.

Accordingly I made smaller and smaller portions, until I almost stopped. Then I saw the movie by Astrid Lindgren, about Emil who carried all the Christmas food out of the pantry to serve the poor, and I remembered why we always prepared lots of food for Christmas. It was to always be prepared for any guest, and to have something to share.
The traditional foodstuff can be carried in and out of the pantry, it can be served again and again. It is prepared for a time before refrigerators and does not turn bad for days.

Come in from the cold!

Come in from the cold!

The tradition was to serve this food for almost every meal, and to everyone through Christmas, how neat is that! Never to think about what to serve or to plan for different meals!
At Christmas it is only the time of day that decides what kind of meal it is. Christmas breakfast, Christmas lunch and Christmas supper is all the same, different variations of what is in the pantry. Everyone expects that and knows what they will get. Easy.
Another bonus, never any leftovers that should be concealed as something else, just plain good food until the ham is eaten. Great. To make small portions just to have a taste of Christmas was actually quite stupid.

I had to look for the essence of that idea. What kind of food did we like, could we afford, could we prepare or buy in advance in big quantities, store and be ready to serve at any time for a couple of weeks?

Chairs and tables are not enough

Chairs and tables are not enough

How could we welcome anyone without planning, without fretting and without hassle, at any time, no matter what other activities we were doing?

We are still working on that, in the reverse way. I do not make everything, I buy most, always with the criteria above in my mind. My new motto became: to be prepared for anything while playing along  as we go. Then I do not make or buy anything that does not fit that plan. Of course the freezer makes it possible to cheat, and I do. I do not even wait till Christmas, I do it now. Fill my freezer with hams and cuts, smoked salmon and cured meats, everyone are welcome, anytime, I will soon be ready!

If not, we could always do take-away, but that is tomorrow’s story.

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.

December 2nd – the merry newspaperboy

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IMG_1714 peisgirlanderIt was still dark outside as I opened the door to hang out the Christmas wreath on our front door. The day before there was no Christmas anywhere in our house. Now the tree was glittering, every surface was decorated, the stockings were full, the windows had Christmas curtains. The tables had Christmas tablecloths, and yes, the teddy bears and dolls had Christmas ribbons on.

I put the wreath in place and stepped back to admire my work. Then a happy voice called out: ” Merry Christmas!” it was the newspaperboy trudging through the snow at six o’clock in the morning. Then he added: “Why are you up so early? Isn’t it a holiday?” I am sure I smiled, I am sure I said the right thing, I did not tell him the truth though. I had not been in bed at all. When the kids finally where in bed the night before I had started a whirlwind of activity that had taken me through the whole night.

Now I was ready to stagger with bloodshot eyes into Christmas, ready to fight to keep my eyes open, longing to be in bed, while everybody else was getting ready. Later that day we sat next to my good friend and her family at Christmas Eve service. We both fell asleep. I did not keep my secret from her, “when did you go to bed?”I said. It was when she answered “not yet” we both knew that we had to keep this secret, as no-one would agree that any Christmas decorations was worth it.

I think that was the start of our decline. From the mountain of self-declared queens of Christmas  into the calm vallies and peaceful meadows of being Christmas friends.

The first step was leaving the tradition of magical transformation behind. From then on I allowed Christmas to tiptoe silently and graciously into my home from the first of December. Every day I do one thing that could evolve into the Christmas I want. Make a wreath, buy some gifts, prepare some food. Then, at the 24th of December, Christmas is here and I embrace it as it is. Now a days I might even be enjoy greeting the newspaperboy, as it will never be at the ending of the night, but at the crisp, magical beginning of Christmas, with me, rested and happy in the middle of it all.

Just now though, I will light the fire, curl up on the couch and listen to Christmas music. In my heart there will be Christmas already!

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.

December 1st – Christmas free of tangles

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Sometimes, some things are just not done

Sometimes, some things are just not done

My mother used to tell this story of the Advent when my kid brother had the croup, my two-year old sister was diagnosed with severe mental handicaps, and where most of us had the flu. “I did not do anything for Christmas that year, but somehow it got to be Christmas anyway,” she said.

When we grew up, we did not believe her, no way everything had been as chaotic as that? We six children had not experienced anything else than pure Christmas magic.

When I started out as a housewife my self, I did not believe her. There won’t be any Christmas unless, until and before this and that and more is done. I was brilliant at it. My friends and family told me how wonderful our Christmases were. I had several ideas for books on the theme Christmas decorations, Christmas lists, and Christmas gifts.

Nature is at it's most peaceful

Nature is at it’s most peaceful

The most stressful tradition of them all was the Scandinavian one that Christmas happens between the 23rd and the 24th of December. The children should go to bed in a messy, advent home with no red or green, and awake to a decorated fairyland with a glittering tree.I was not allowed to do have anything to do with this until I married. Then it was all up to me, and I had everything to do with this surprising piece of magic.

It took years before I believed my mother. One december morning I finally could tell my self:

“You are not the Christmas Miracle!”

To me that was the slight turn of perspective that made me rediscover advent and put me on the path to truly joyous Christmas preparations. Along this road I have made wrong steps and some smart moves which is what I will write about this advent. Come along, or lean back and rest in your own hassle free way to Christmas Joy!

While I used to insist on activity

While I used to insist on activity

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.

To start, start

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IMG_4056 sleep

I said: “do nothing”, I did not say “do not ever do anything”. In a real crisis, we need to consider, to stop and think, before we do anything, as the next step is crucial.

On the other hand, to keep doing nothing, will not only keep you in the middle of the mess, it will also make you a victim, not a responsible adult.

To keep doing nothing will also make most people depressed and tired. Even to keep mulling over your situation, to keep organizing and sorting, to keep asking and praying, to keep walking and talking it over, will not take you anywhere. It will point you in a direction, but to go there, you have to start going. One day we have to stop practicing for life, to rest to be able to handle life, to discuss how it all could be, and just start living.

Even if it means backtracking a couple of steps. Even if it means admitting we were wrong. Even if it means starting afresh. If you just realized you were going in the wrong direction, you will actually get closer to where you want to be if you turn around and go back.

And by all means, remember to sleep, but start going.

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes. This cute sleeping koala lives in the San Fransisco Zoo.

Well started is not finished

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IMG_3124 start“If you begin well, you  are halfway there”

This old norwegian saying may be true, but half way is not there. And where is there exactly? Even if we have very set goals and achieve them by jumping from stone to stone and organizing our time, ourselves and our values, do we really want to have arrived? Before dying that is?

At the end of the nineteenth century Otto von Bismarck introduced a set retirement age and pension in Germany. If you worked until 70, the state would take care of you. With a life expectancy at 40 years, that was hardly too generous. As we know, it is different now. We tend to discuss that as an economic challenge. The cost is not in money though. What does it do to a society that expects it inhabitants to contribute only a third of their life? Where did the idea come from that if you are not a salary worker anymore your life is yours to waste?

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

 All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes. This is a stone stair made by three norwegian brothers 70 years ago to make it easier to take their cattle up to their mountain farm.