What did you love?

Renndølsetra 7There comes a time to most of us, at forty five? Fifty? We seem bewildered in our own lifes, and do not seem to recognize the landscape we are in as the one we set out to find.

Which could be good, life is full of surprises. Even immovable and unsurpassable mountains turn out to have secret doors.

If you find yourself hammering at this mountain trying all the sesam-sesams you are able to imagine while no one works, you might see a coach or read a “Your dream will become true” book.

They will both ask you to remember: “what did you love to do as a kid, what do this love tell you about who you are?”

liten solveig med kanneMost of us are not able to pinpoint the passion of our youth though, we loved a lot of things. I, for instance, loved to sit in the windowsill of my room, watch the roaming fields and read, as well as building playhouses in the woods and running tracks. I would not want to make either into a living.

Perhaps we are blind to the truth all around us? I need to turn this question upside down. Instead of starting the hunt for loves and likes and happiness, I stop now and then and see what I have been doing, even if I had no time for it. What my soul is drawn to and need to do, then I make room for thatstjerneskjerm

Then I take a step back now and then and consider the output of what I have done and what I haven’t done, what did I learn to do it better next time? I have found that the answer to middle age confusion is not necessarily to do something else, but to know the essence of what you do and why.

hvit peonI think the road to middle age wisdom is to learn the lessons from the road we have travelled, and know how to apply our understanding and wisdom to every task, every challenge, every opportunity  life gives us. Mostly.  If we are on the wrong road, no amount of putting mind and soul to the task will set us right. It would be bad though if we actually are on track, but so busy comparing gear and GPS readings that we never get around to enjoy it.

hvit alliumI tried this exercise in my garden today. I already know I need to be there, though I was not really aware of what I have been doing all these years.

Now I know. I have been planting white plants. I have taken care that the sunlight gets to play through the petalshvit rose I have given every flower room to grow and thrive. I have been steadily and unvaryingly watering, tending and working to create place for joy asolveig med vannkannand peace. Hopefully that is what I do wherever else I am too.

And yes I love it, still.

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Great expectations- the heart beat of Christmas

IMG_0782In april we were working like crazy to hand in a tender for a new clinic. The deadlines were looming, no breaks, little sleep and intense teamwork. In the middle of some calculations I heard myself singing Christmas carols. I was not surprised. My favorites are songs like “In the bleak Midwinter” and others with a slow, calming rhythm and with texts that places the Christmas wonder in the middle of our lives. No matter how hectic Christmas preparations may be, I hum these carols and know in my heart that it does not matter at all what you do or not do. Sooner or later Christmas will come, and I will be happy and content.

In fact Christmas never leaves my heart completely, and as I was finishing the spreadsheet in the spring sunshine, I hummed along, “Frosty snow did fall” .My song reminded me of all the times chaos has ended in cosmos and all the times we have been able to finish in time. Of course we did this time too, working through weekends and nights, but we did it, and succeeded. The new rehab clinic will open in January.

In december I write an advent blog in Norwegian together with my brother, Trygve. This year our theme is Gifts. My thinking will go along these lines, how to strain the ears of your soul to listen through the stress, through what you have to do, to who you are. Having read the books by Jan-Phillip Sender this fall, I call it listening for the heartbeat of Christmas. To me, that is the peaceful, comforting, steady pulse that makes me able to stay through real challenges. I just have to listen past the jingle bells, through to the falling snow.

I will occasionally post the texts in english too, but not every day. For those of you who want to see my photos in advent or who understand norwegian, this is the link www.julefryd.com see you there!

 

 

Summer snow

Midsummer in Oppdal

Midsummer in Oppdal

As we arrived at our cabin, it was snowing. As we made a fire in the fireplace the wind was howling. As we hoisted the banner to tell the world that we were in place to celebrate midsummer the hail came hammering down. Midsummer? Midsummer!

IMG_5773 (1280x853)I had to go looking for it. Dressed in windbreakers, muffler and gloves, boots and hat, dog on leash I went to search for the summer in hiding. I found flowers, wildflowers shaking in the wind, but still blooming. I lost count after finding ten different kinds on three square feet. I heard the cuckoo somewhere in a fir-tree. When I was a kid, the first cuckoo was the sign we were allowed to run barefoot in the grass. I met a flock of ewes with their month old lambs, the sheep-bells clinging in the wind even when the animals were standing still to figure who I was.

IMG_5736 (1280x853)We came home, to the warm cabin. Put the midsummer bouquet in a water, lighted the candles, rekindled the fire. I had found summer, I just had to look for it.

You’ll never walk alone

IMG_5662 (1280x853)Yesterday I was present when the congregation at Tiller started to use their new liturgical clothes. The process of designing and making them is worthy of several blog posts that maybe will be told, one day. Today I’ll just share the beginning and the end.

I always start with the biblical texts for the Sundays when the liturgical clothes, or paraments, will be used.IMG_5618 (1280x853) This set is red, the color of blood, the color of martyrdom, the color of fire, the liturgical color for Pentecost, for ordination, for the day of the apostles. The texts speak about being a witness, about martyrdom, about baptism by fire and by the holy spirit. To me, most of all it speaks about the God who walks with each and one of us through all this. Be not afraid, one texts says. I will not leave you fatherless, another tells us. Yet another, I will stay with you to the end of the world.IMG_5641 (1280x767) So I wanted the textiles to show God surrounding us, enfolding us, walking with us, in every moment, in sorrow and in joy. Which made me start with the Fibonacci numbers. Fibonacci did not invent them, but told the west about ancient indian and arabic knowledge, the sequence and order you’ll find in nature, the golden ratio. Like the seeds of a pine cone or a sunflower, every row being the sum of the two before it. IMG_5639 (1280x853)To later theologians this sequence became a witness of how God’s ordering principles rule nature. To me, I used this sequence to make a cross, and the world where we live. Sometimes you do not immediately see it, like in life, it may look chaotic, it may look without order. If you keep looking, it is there to be found.IMG_5651 (854x1280)

 

17th of May- happy trails through Trondheim

IMG_5356 (853x1280)Today is our constitution day, actually our bicentennial. We are celebrating, as usual, with children’s parade, music, flags, traditional food, and traditional costumes.IMG_5376 (1280x910) We are celebrating more than ever, having used the last months for public  discussions and reminders, adding depth to the values we do promote in our Constitution. IMG_5407 (1280x853)Telling each other what we do well, where we need to improve, what we have to keep, no matter what.IMG_5411 (1024x829)

Stig and me dressed in our traditional costumes and walked into town.IMG_5416 (853x1280) We enjoyed the parade, we attended the service in the cathedral, we talked to friends, now we are at home relaxing, getting ready for dinner.IMG_5418 (1024x683) I just thought I’d show you some glimpses of our day. Celebrate freedom wherever you are!IMG_5419 (928x521)

On the twelfth night of Christmas

IMG_0091 5.januar

Now it is time for Christmas in Russia. The mightiest singers we ever heard were the Moscow patriarcate, the twelve singers filled every nook of our big cathedral in Trondheim. A year ago we got to visit Russia ourselves and hear several wonderful singers, the harmonies are different, you can hear the wind howling, the snow blowing and the softest whisper of the grass growing on the tundra.

Over Christmas I will share the words of my favorite Christmas songs and my favorite winter pictures.
All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.

On the eleventh day of Christmas

IMG_0158 ladeste

Mine are riches from your poverty

from your innocence, eternity

Mine, forgiveness by your death for me

Child of sorrow, for my joy

We went to Royal Albert Hall for a concert and got a surprise, singalongs and a choir of 500 singers from the whole country, it was uplifting and fun! We sang gospel music, the audience in this video got to sing the great tune and profound words in Calypso carol!

Over Christmas I will share the words of my favorite Christmas songs and my favorite winter pictures.
All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.