What did you love?

Renndølsetra 7There comes a time to most of us, at forty five? Fifty? We seem bewildered in our own lifes, and do not seem to recognize the landscape we are in as the one we set out to find.

Which could be good, life is full of surprises. Even immovable and unsurpassable mountains turn out to have secret doors.

If you find yourself hammering at this mountain trying all the sesam-sesams you are able to imagine while no one works, you might see a coach or read a “Your dream will become true” book.

They will both ask you to remember: “what did you love to do as a kid, what do this love tell you about who you are?”

liten solveig med kanneMost of us are not able to pinpoint the passion of our youth though, we loved a lot of things. I, for instance, loved to sit in the windowsill of my room, watch the roaming fields and read, as well as building playhouses in the woods and running tracks. I would not want to make either into a living.

Perhaps we are blind to the truth all around us? I need to turn this question upside down. Instead of starting the hunt for loves and likes and happiness, I stop now and then and see what I have been doing, even if I had no time for it. What my soul is drawn to and need to do, then I make room for thatstjerneskjerm

Then I take a step back now and then and consider the output of what I have done and what I haven’t done, what did I learn to do it better next time? I have found that the answer to middle age confusion is not necessarily to do something else, but to know the essence of what you do and why.

hvit peonI think the road to middle age wisdom is to learn the lessons from the road we have travelled, and know how to apply our understanding and wisdom to every task, every challenge, every opportunity  life gives us. Mostly.  If we are on the wrong road, no amount of putting mind and soul to the task will set us right. It would be bad though if we actually are on track, but so busy comparing gear and GPS readings that we never get around to enjoy it.

hvit alliumI tried this exercise in my garden today. I already know I need to be there, though I was not really aware of what I have been doing all these years.

Now I know. I have been planting white plants. I have taken care that the sunlight gets to play through the petalshvit rose I have given every flower room to grow and thrive. I have been steadily and unvaryingly watering, tending and working to create place for joy asolveig med vannkannand peace. Hopefully that is what I do wherever else I am too.

And yes I love it, still.


Gandhi on integrity, to fight or flight

Be the change you want to see in the world

Be the change you want to see in the world

We were strolling through San Fransisco, taking photos of all the interesting skyscrapers, having a snack at Ferry building. There he was, bent, but intent on justice, humbly waving but never giving up on what he thought was right. Never fighting back, never afraid of adversaries.

My father visited San Fransisco many years ago and followed another minister on his rounds to the homeless, the desolate, the downtrodden. He warned me, you will find so much misery in that town. As our visit had a different purpose, visiting an academic conference, we were in a nice hotel, saw the sights and had wonderful meals. To us, it was so easy to look at all the homeless people not as a misery to themselves, but as a threat and a danger to ourselves. To us it was a beautiful city….on the surface. To me the constellation of Gandhi and those symbols of power and money was a reminder to be willing to raise questions, to not accept injustice, but also in all things strive for peace and nonviolence. To me, the Bible verse : blessed are the peacemakers, are the way I want to live my life. Sometimes it means not to get involved in a meaningless fight, sometimes it means to be willing to hold our ground, sometimes it means working out a compromise.