Category Archives: reflections on life

December 3rd – the serve again meal

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Mrs. Claus is getting wiser.

Mrs. Claus is getting wiser.

One of the first Christmas pictures I remember was taken when my father was still a student. We lived in a tiny student housing and money was scarce. What did they do for Christmas? The picture shows my mother with a pig’s head and a toothbrush, cleaning it to make the traditional pressed meat. That was just the start, as we moved to bigger houses more and more of the traditional fare was prepared and consumed around Christmas. My parents made it all themselves, hams and cold cuts, chutney and cheeses, sausages and pates.

The first Christmas my husband and me were to celebrate in our own home, I bought half a lamb and a pig and was ready to start. I just checked with him to ask if there was something special he wanted. Nothing, he did not want anything. Not to be kind, he just was not used to that way of celebrating. Deeply troubling to a traditionalist like me. This had to be done, and it looked like I was the one that had to do it. For some years I forced ahead. Never on the same scale as my parents, but always making lots of strange stuff we were not able to finish.I even made fun of everyone who tried to behave and prepare like they lived on a big farm with lots of people when most actually lived in small apartments.

Accordingly I made smaller and smaller portions, until I almost stopped. Then I saw the movie by Astrid Lindgren, about Emil who carried all the Christmas food out of the pantry to serve the poor, and I remembered why we always prepared lots of food for Christmas. It was to always be prepared for any guest, and to have something to share.
The traditional foodstuff can be carried in and out of the pantry, it can be served again and again. It is prepared for a time before refrigerators and does not turn bad for days.

Come in from the cold!

Come in from the cold!

The tradition was to serve this food for almost every meal, and to everyone through Christmas, how neat is that! Never to think about what to serve or to plan for different meals!
At Christmas it is only the time of day that decides what kind of meal it is. Christmas breakfast, Christmas lunch and Christmas supper is all the same, different variations of what is in the pantry. Everyone expects that and knows what they will get. Easy.
Another bonus, never any leftovers that should be concealed as something else, just plain good food until the ham is eaten. Great. To make small portions just to have a taste of Christmas was actually quite stupid.

I had to look for the essence of that idea. What kind of food did we like, could we afford, could we prepare or buy in advance in big quantities, store and be ready to serve at any time for a couple of weeks?

Chairs and tables are not enough

Chairs and tables are not enough

How could we welcome anyone without planning, without fretting and without hassle, at any time, no matter what other activities we were doing?

We are still working on that, in the reverse way. I do not make everything, I buy most, always with the criteria above in my mind. My new motto became: to be prepared for anything while playing along  as we go. Then I do not make or buy anything that does not fit that plan. Of course the freezer makes it possible to cheat, and I do. I do not even wait till Christmas, I do it now. Fill my freezer with hams and cuts, smoked salmon and cured meats, everyone are welcome, anytime, I will soon be ready!

If not, we could always do take-away, but that is tomorrow’s story.

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.

December 2nd – the merry newspaperboy

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IMG_1714 peisgirlanderIt was still dark outside as I opened the door to hang out the Christmas wreath on our front door. The day before there was no Christmas anywhere in our house. Now the tree was glittering, every surface was decorated, the stockings were full, the windows had Christmas curtains. The tables had Christmas tablecloths, and yes, the teddy bears and dolls had Christmas ribbons on.

I put the wreath in place and stepped back to admire my work. Then a happy voice called out: ” Merry Christmas!” it was the newspaperboy trudging through the snow at six o’clock in the morning. Then he added: “Why are you up so early? Isn’t it a holiday?” I am sure I smiled, I am sure I said the right thing, I did not tell him the truth though. I had not been in bed at all. When the kids finally where in bed the night before I had started a whirlwind of activity that had taken me through the whole night.

Now I was ready to stagger with bloodshot eyes into Christmas, ready to fight to keep my eyes open, longing to be in bed, while everybody else was getting ready. Later that day we sat next to my good friend and her family at Christmas Eve service. We both fell asleep. I did not keep my secret from her, “when did you go to bed?”I said. It was when she answered “not yet” we both knew that we had to keep this secret, as no-one would agree that any Christmas decorations was worth it.

I think that was the start of our decline. From the mountain of self-declared queens of Christmas  into the calm vallies and peaceful meadows of being Christmas friends.

The first step was leaving the tradition of magical transformation behind. From then on I allowed Christmas to tiptoe silently and graciously into my home from the first of December. Every day I do one thing that could evolve into the Christmas I want. Make a wreath, buy some gifts, prepare some food. Then, at the 24th of December, Christmas is here and I embrace it as it is. Now a days I might even be enjoy greeting the newspaperboy, as it will never be at the ending of the night, but at the crisp, magical beginning of Christmas, with me, rested and happy in the middle of it all.

Just now though, I will light the fire, curl up on the couch and listen to Christmas music. In my heart there will be Christmas already!

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.

December 1st – Christmas free of tangles

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Sometimes, some things are just not done

Sometimes, some things are just not done

My mother used to tell this story of the Advent when my kid brother had the croup, my two-year old sister was diagnosed with severe mental handicaps, and where most of us had the flu. “I did not do anything for Christmas that year, but somehow it got to be Christmas anyway,” she said.

When we grew up, we did not believe her, no way everything had been as chaotic as that? We six children had not experienced anything else than pure Christmas magic.

When I started out as a housewife my self, I did not believe her. There won’t be any Christmas unless, until and before this and that and more is done. I was brilliant at it. My friends and family told me how wonderful our Christmases were. I had several ideas for books on the theme Christmas decorations, Christmas lists, and Christmas gifts.

Nature is at it's most peaceful

Nature is at it’s most peaceful

The most stressful tradition of them all was the Scandinavian one that Christmas happens between the 23rd and the 24th of December. The children should go to bed in a messy, advent home with no red or green, and awake to a decorated fairyland with a glittering tree.I was not allowed to do have anything to do with this until I married. Then it was all up to me, and I had everything to do with this surprising piece of magic.

It took years before I believed my mother. One december morning I finally could tell my self:

“You are not the Christmas Miracle!”

To me that was the slight turn of perspective that made me rediscover advent and put me on the path to truly joyous Christmas preparations. Along this road I have made wrong steps and some smart moves which is what I will write about this advent. Come along, or lean back and rest in your own hassle free way to Christmas Joy!

While I used to insist on activity

While I used to insist on activity

Believe me, I know better than most how frantic and exhausting it is possible to make the season of peace and goodwill. The main story on Indexyourlife in December will be my way to a Christmas free of tangles.

In December my brother and I write an advent calendar blog together in norwegian.You may visit at  JULEFRYD or Christmas Joy. This year we will be writing or sharing thoughts and joys of gifts, giving and sharing. We will post there every day, and I will share some of that blog here on indexyourlife too.

All pictures at Indexyourlife are mine, if not otherwise stated.

Simplest of the simple, and yet….

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IMG_0923Life is a messy business. I really do not know why I keep adding to the mess. Open my cupboards and you will wonder, why does she not keep it tidy? As just now, why is the cheese slicer in the same drawer as the matches? Are they ever used together? Well, sometimes…

Is it more time-consuming to put the named cheese slicer with the cutlery. Well it could be, but I am not that busy am I?

The thing is, I need space and order to think, but I do not naturally create space and order. Another of my great-grandmother’s sayings is “everything that is not stolen or burnt up will return,” could be true,  I just am to impatient to wait for that.

Accordingly this is how I keep just enough organized.

1. I bundle.
For instance :When I empty one garbage can, say in the kitchen, I try to go through the house and do the others as well.
If I buy one gift, I think of others that would like the same and buy more.

2. I use the time I have.
For instance: I clear out my purse, when I change into another. I clear out the named cutlery drawer and not my whole kitchen, while emptying the dish washer. I delete messages when waiting in line.

3. I sort when I need it.
For instance: filing all email concerning one case when I am dealing with that.

4. I always de clutter when looking for something

5. I clear out one space every day, which means I pretty much go through my house once a year.

6. Most of all and through it all, I prioritize. Not according to what others think is important, but according to the bigger goals of my life. Does searching for a cheese slicer make me a bad person? Of course it does not. Using time to search for the slicer, when I could have called someone, written a note, or just being quiet is, if not bad, it sure is wasteful.

Order is never about systems, it is always about what would you rather do than search. On the other hand, if looking for things keeps the treasure hunter alive in you, go ahead. Keep messy, you could even have a go at my drawers.

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

The pictures in this blog are always by me, Solveig Mjolsnes. This one is of my 150 years old sewing table, which I probably think will help me keep my threads in order.

Quite ordinary holiness

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IMG_6675 bare jordeI was searching for something to listen to while driving, a warm and quiet voice got my attention. “I think we hide the holiness of life in all the trappings we think is necessary,’he said. I did not get his name, but I have thought a lot of what he said.

“If you feel life is too much to handle”, he said, “start with the basics”

He went on to talk about bread and prayer.

Try to scale back, do not think about complicated meals, nourishment plans, vitamins and diets. Do not think about how every meal should be different, appetizing and pleasing.
Just place yourself together with most of this worlds population, start with your daily bread. Have a slice,or tear of a bite, eat so as not to be hungry.
Give thanks that this day also you will not starve. Realize that most of all, food is about being alive in the holiness of life, for another day. Everything else is an abundance and a God given gift, but not necessary to survive.

Then be just as simple when it comes to your spiritual life. If the Lord taught us a prayer, and told us this was how our communication with our Creator was meant to be, why do we need it to be more?
There could be other spiritual gifts and more to be had through mediation, through serving, through fellowship. “Most of us will never need more than the Lord’s prayer though,” he continued. I almost felt offended, who was he to know, if I want the luxury edition, why should I not have it?
He went on, “as most of us need a lifetime to truly rest in the trust, the forgiveness, the vast opportunities and the golden promises, in the holiness of the ordinary that is given us through this prayer.”

The most sustainable and rewarding untangling tool of them all turns out to be the easiest, just stay simple in the quite ordinary holiness of your daily bread, but eat it!

Pick a stone

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IMG_1030 stonesI collect stones. Stones with strange patterns. Stones with holes in them. Stones with fossils. Stones in wonderful colors. Most of them are polished by sea and wind, each season more beautiful than the last. A couple have words on written on them, all have a story to tell.

I keep some in a glass bowl on my table.
We were having coffee, she was crying. Everyone is against me, I can not go back to that job, they all say different things on what is wrong with me, she sobbed. It could be true, I did not protest. She wanted to know what she should do.

Pick a stone for each of your colleagues and tell me about them I said. She did. The stones were evaluated, this black one is a doctor, this aqua one the other nurse, and so on. They were all placed on a long line. Where are you then? I asked. She searched through the bowl once more and finally came up with a small grey rough stone. Put yourself in the middle I said. She was not able to do that. She choose a spot outside the line with the other fifteen.

No let’s make some piles I said. What do they say to you. She remembered something that everyone had said, and I made her think it over. Was it really about her? Was it about her way of reacting, was it something she really had done wrong, were they actually ganging up on her? She talked, moved the stones, sorted them. Close to the end of the session there were two piles and two single stones, herself and her boss. She was able to start thinking about the messages the person in each pile sent her. Perhaps there was things she could talk through with them?

There still was the issue with her boss. In some way or other that had to be resolved.  We did not go into that yet. We did not talk about how to approach the others. In fact we did not do anything else than take another look at the mess, trying to find the elements that could be left for now, trying to select what would be the first step.

Her exercise until our next talk would be just that, to remember, they were not all against her. Next time we would practice the eventualities of her talk with her boss, we would perhaps schedule an appointment for both of them. Not know, for now she was just to find strength in the fact that there was another way of looking at life. She was not alone.

Any thing better than no thing?

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ther

I have an erratic creative process. When making a quilt, painting a picture, knitting a sweater or writing a piece I start with a vague idea. As when we were chopping firewood up in the mountains. I looked down and saw the sun filtered through the fall-colored leaves of the wild blueberries. They were vivid green, dark blue, purple, orange and all hues of red, all at once. Set against a background of wet glittering moss, it was beautiful beyond words. I knew I had to make something to carry that moment with me into the winter.

As soon as we were inside, I started to pull out all the knitting wool, embroidery floss, quilting fabrics I had. Surprisingly much, as we were at the cabin, I had fun though, well into the evening, and then nothing made sense. I was one step further and had an idea board of colors, I did not have a project, the living room was a total mess, everyone was hungry, I was tired.
To me a well known, creative tangle. My first thought was I have to do something, after all this mess, I cannot just clear everything away! I was just reaching for my cutter, to at least do the pieces for a quilt. I envisioned myself in my rocking chair in front of the fire, sewing the most glorious quilt, as soon as dinner was over. I did ruin some golden batik, I was stressed, and did not feel the joyous calm I do when I am in a creative flow.

This is when I know I have to stop, and do nothing. Almost,nothing that is.
The nothing that helps me on at this stage is to clear and sort. To fold the big pieces of fabric, to put the small ones in a nice basket. I make all the wool into neat balls, as I go everything that did not make it to my idea board is cleared away. I wonder where the empty teacups came from, and take them to the kitchen. I lay the rest out on my work table, and then I do nothing, I quit, for now. IMG_1662plansWhen I come back to the project, my mind has been playing with the elements of a possible project, not a mess.
To me, this approach work in any mess, especially when my brain has come to a stop. No matter how much I try to force on, it only gets worse.
Then I stop. I clear my desk, or the space I am working at. If it is a mental problem, I make it visible by putting it on paper. Every big and small thread of thought that disturbs me. Then I sort. Normally the problem has fewer pieces than I thought, it was just entangled by all the other stuff I tried to remember. When everything is on its own list, I take a break, I do nothing on the problem. When I come back, the elements of the problem has not altered a bit, but I can see them clearly and hopefully make some sense of it. By doing nothing, actually before I have done nothing at all.

And the blueberry leaves? They ended up as a knitted jacket, well, they will be as I have not figured out which buttons to use. Guess it is time to do…something.

Nothing, nothing at all

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IMG_0711hvorYou know all these things that should have been done before?

It is sometimes called procrastination, which makes it sound like a disease that should be cured. Immediately, not later.

Words have power, does not “reflect, thinking it through, making a plan” all sound like a much more mature way of….well, just not doing it today?

I do claim that “to do nothing” is an underestimated tool to untangle the tangles of life. I think of it as the fourway stop signs. You do not stop forever. You will go, eventually, you are just given some extra seconds to assess the situation, understand the traffic, and adjust your speed and action.

We do that, of course we stop at the line in the road. Unfortunately there is no stopping line that makes us think before we force ahead at the really important crossroads of life. We have to introduce those ourselves, perhaps some of our tangles even are created when we do not understand when to stop, when to reflect and when to go ahead?

Myself in the work of others

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Reflected in the work of Chihuly

Reflected in the work of Chihuly, Seattle

I do not remember where, really, I am not that organized. Anyways, some weeks ago, at some official WordPress site, someone told about conferences for bloggers. Really? What? Like spending time with lots of people who thought blogging was serious? The thought had never occurred to me, of course I had to check out some links.To go all way I even registered at the BlogHerPro conference in Silicon valley. These bloggers were not only blogging, they were doing it for a living.

Truth to be told, I did not know what  to expect, indeed I did not even know if it was for real. “Are you sure it is not a scam?” My nearest and dearest absolutely nonblogging husband was not so sure either. At least the hotel was for real, I told myself, so my last resort was to stay in my room and blog.

IMG_0842 dale chihulyOf course I did not get to blog. I did not even have time for taking pictures. The only one was the Dale Chihuly chandelier in the lobby while checking out. A fitting illustration for an inspiring, thought-provoking and amazing experience. I got legal and marketing advice, technical support and got to talk to people who have achieved great results in short time.

To me, it was all about life, how we grow when we share. Blogging just happened to be the chosen medium.

I am glad, people who are generous and willing to give, share and enjoy will always be what makes us better and braver. My only challenge is to believe that each of us is needed, each of us have a unique voice. Some of those amazing people have a big social network, their voices are heard, their blogs are read. I need not to be intimidated by their success, even if I sometimes am. Quite the opposite, I keep learning that when I read another true voice I get better at listening to my own heart, I’ll just have to keep finding the words of that often timid voice. I am still amazed where that voice will take me.

Magic adventure with Chihuly boats, Seattle

Magic adventure with Chihuly boats, Seattle

The runaway train of thoughts

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IMG_5705 bridge“Hilarious, fun, once more, neat!”
That’s what the kids said as we emerged from five minutes of dodging rocks and water, being hurled up, down and sideways, into the dark and out on the cliffs on the Rocky Mountain ride. A passerby saw me, and immediately offered her arm as support, “do you need a doctor?” she said. I did get over that, sort of. It just seems like runaway trains is the best description of my thought process as I get older.

IMG_7596 bartlovIt used to be different. My train of thought was a train gliding fast over the vast prairie. It knew the small towns where it was supposed to stop and pick up cargo and deliver necessities, and it did. It was totally reliable and always on time.

IMG_7585 rusty trainNow my train of thoughts is at best like the train that runs in the underground tunnels in Gringott, you know the Harry Potter movie. My train roars high up in the air, goes all around, and arrives at totally unexpected places. As I swoosh past I can see some wagons on a side track that I absolutely should have connected too, and then it is too late. Then my train screechingly halts at an other sidetrack, picks up whats there and takes off in a second.

IMG_4694 railroadmapsI can not rely on my brain to be calm, intellectual, always remember the right facts and knowing when to present the correct answers any more. At times I miss that youthful self-confident brain that thought life could be untangled through logic, books and exams. Reliable maps, that took you somewhere.

What I do know, now, even if I hate roller coasters , is that the jumble of life is not placed along a set railroad. To see it all, to discover all those crazy, funny, creative connections that I so love, I’ll have to come along on the bumpy line. My rusty thinking machine keeps taking me to the most unexpected places, and I love it!IMG_7592 rusty bolts