At times the best picture of my life is a ball of wool made of all kinds of yarns, wonderful threads or lints from my sewing room floor, all mixed together like if my dog had played with it. If I want to finish my project I have to know which thread I am looking for, and slowly untangle and ease it from the rest.

The day I started the untangling tens project was the day I was told that we did not have enough work for everybody. After a day of ups and downs, of doing my chores like a sleepwalker, of walking the dog for hours, I found myself with a list. It was almost finished before I reflected on what I was doing. I studied it closer, as I realized that this was my preferred tool to sort my tangles.
The next thought was of course, if this is what I do, what do others do? Which is the content of this blog series. Some of us do everything, others have a favorite method. When I asked, these are the most popular tools we use to untangle our tangles: to do nothing, to walk, to sleep, to eat, to light a candle, to give thanks, to make a list, to organize, to call a friend, to start.

Seems I am first of all a listmaker. We do different lists though, my go-to-tool is my list of me. I realized I have been doing that at every crossroad.

On that day, I did not list the bills that were due, or the jobs I could apply for. I listed all the words that I know to be true when I am at my best. At times like this, I look back and search for the days when I have felt energy and joy pulling back my shoulders, lifting my chin and filling my chest. One of my moments is the strength I felt when I knew I had won a design contest. Another is when I facilitated the solution of a conflict and succeeded where everyone else had given in. Another is skiing into the woods, standing on a hilltop and watching the sun set. Another is the glimpse of understanding when praying with a friend. They are not hard-sell skills, they are who I am.

I also list the words that tell me of situations I hated. Where someone was unjust, when someone left me with responsibility I was not able to handle, all the days where what I did, did not add up to what I want to be.
These moments help me see what to avoid, and what my values are.

These lists are not orderly, there are flowers and clouds, boxes and sentences all over the page. In between I put some words that comes to my mind. Like color, snow, ocean, church.

When I feel there is something to work on, I take a look on my list, adding, underlining and connecting. A list like this is not a to-do list, it is a to-be list. It is my tool to remind me what I need to have present in my life. It is not a tool that makes my tangle less, it is the key that helps me know what to look for, what to keep and what to add. It is not the finished project, not even the start of the project itself. It is getting to know the quality and the color of the yarn I want to keep to start knitting, and then the work may begin.

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes.

The world is unjust.
If you look at the statistics it is quite clear.
I do not have my share. So many people have more hunger, war, fear, illness, poverty and violence in their lives than I have ever known. It is just not right.
On the other hand some have more wealth, fame and health too.Totally unjust, I know.
Without making saints of the poor, or villains of the rich, I do think neither situation has anything to do with how much gratitude we have in our hearts. If you are not able to live in the fact that you are worthy of love and responsible for both loving your self and others, you will never feel that you get what you are entitled too, whether you are poor or rich. Insecurity and self-hate can both make you crave more than you need and hinder you from standing up for yourself. Loving only yourself will make you greedy and needy, whether you have more than your share or nothing at all.
Of course we, who live in the middle, with relative wealth, could start to list all the goods we have, to force gratitude out of sheer numbers. It would not necessarily make us thankful though. If I look for gratitude that way, I will either feel shame that I have so much and give something away, or I feel resentment that I do not have the riches others have. I could even make it a semi-pious thought like” I would have been so much better at sharing that wealth than he or she is”. Neither approach fills me with wonder about the fact that if I am alive to ponder such thoughts, I obviously have one thing to be thankful for.

To give thanks is to change focus from what we want to what we have. Which could be less than we need, and make us look for other options. It could also be a reminder that what we have more than we need, which means we are keeping somebody else’s share which of course is not ours at all.
As such it is a very practical untangling tool, and not a spiritual experiment. It works if my tangle is emotional and relational too. To look at something differently, you have to look at the problem from a different angle, which you do by placing yourself somewhere else. Like going for a walk and then think about your tangles. Or lighting a candle and see what issue comes first to your mind. Or  listening when you name your worry dolls. Or seeing what you do when treating yourself as well as you would a friend.
Chances are you would see what is really important. That is your tool to redefine your tangles, and after all find the one thing you have that will help you go on, for that be thankful. That one thing will show you the wisdom you have gained from experience, the knowledge you have learned from living, the trust you have learned from love, that is life. For that be thankful.

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes.These horses are grazing the dry grasses in Foxen valley.

The world was all new, a summer morning in June, where every living thing was thriving and growing. We were all in the car, going into the countryside. As we were at breakfast that day a neighbor asked if I would join some friends for a cup of tea in the evening, and I had declined. We were all worn out I had said, we really needed some quiet time together before getting ready for the next week that would be really busy. The promise of being led to “pastures of green” felt very far from being fulfilled (Psalm 23). When we arrived at the picnic spot our usual place was taken. Even so we manged to secure a peaceful place on the riverbank. While eating we kept making plans for the next week. The kids were also not in the mood for playing, there were ants, there were bees, they wanted to go home. We did not stay long. The obligations of the next week loomed over us. Better just to go home and make a head start on it we thought. We did not talk much in the car, but my mind was racing, what would be the most logical sequence to do the tasks when we came home? Dinner first or laundry first, the email or the phone calls? We were not rested.

Later, when I put the lasagna in the oven, I realized that both the green pastures and the quiet waters had materialized quite literally. Just where we had been that day, only we had not brought our minds with us. After dinner I dropped my plans and went to join the others, at least to soak up the blessings of the quiet waters of a teacup.

This keeps happening. In the middle of the most hectic and chaotic times, there is suddenly an unplanned pocket of quiet. I am learning though that what happens is not a time we forgot to fill with tasks but the blessing and necessity of being led to green pastures and quiet waters. We just have to allow ourself to receive it, as a gift. To me this is one of the first lessons of thankfulness. Not to ask for something new and give thanks if it happens, but to realize what is already there.

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes.

A friend visited a church convention in Kenya. While in line at the restroom she commented on the exquisite colors of another woman’s block printed tunic. Resolutely the lady stripped to her  t- shirt and held out the tunic for my friend to have.” I’d be happy to give it to you!”, she smiled. My friend refused, how could she take the very clothes away from another person! The smile faded on the face of the Kenyan woman, “why is it that you Americans always want to give and are not able to receive?” she said.

In many ways she could be right. To be thankful is a key to a happy life. It is also another way of knowing what is important in your life, and what just adds to the tangles. Unfortunately we sometimes mix up the rituals of gift giving, the understanding of the strings attached and the supposed obligations, and adds thankfulness as another chore.

To be grateful is an altogether different sentiment.”Grateful” is etymologically derived from grace, gratis. To be truly grateful is to live in the knowledge that life itself and the magic of being alive is given free of charge, as a grace, totally gratis. To me that is a mindset and a way of life.It is not the Polyanna game of looking for the bright side of life. It is not a reciprocal payback game. To be grateful is to be free to give and free to receive, untangled from some obligations, happy to fulfill others. Gratis, undeserved,in grace.

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes.

I have listed ” light a candle” as a tool that women use to untangle their tangles. I said to light a candle is a way of focusing a way of praying. So accordingly I said to get where you need to be, you should start by lighting a candle for your soul. then I said you should light a candle for “us” for the fellowship you belong to, for the ground where your roots will grow. Lastly I say we should light a candle for the world.

Hey, did I get that right? Isn’t that selfishness itself, the me and the us first and the world last? A wise lady I knew, Edith Schaeffer, said : “if you want to feed the world, you do not open your window and trow flour and yeast over the waiting multitudes. You have to bake the bread first.” Or at least, I would add, take time to learn how to do it. Then of course the most profound knowledge is to allow yourself to taste the bread that others are serving you, fellowship is not
Or as Jesus said, love your neighbor as yourself, never “you are not worthy of love, only your neighbors are.” Accordingly, knowing who I am and where I belong is my starting point for loving and serving the world.
OK, even if that is true, you say, I was looking for tools to untangle my troubles, not taking on another task.
Start by lighting your third candle I would say.
Light it and allow your thoughts to convene to a cause outside yourself. It is not a tool to make you think your own problems are not worth solving, it is a tool to make your remember why you are here. When you have refocused on that,some of the threads of your tangle will seem irrelevant,. Start the other way, by thinking of everything that is wrong I the world and chances are you will be overwhelmed and burnt out. Start by knowing that you are loved and belong somewhere and your service will give you strength and joy. Then again, don’t think too much, just light your candle. Or as Mother Theresa said: “just show up and something will happen.”

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes.

Where do you belong? Who are the us in you life? Sometimes our tangles are just that, relationships that destroys us, friends that hurt us. At other times the tangle is the feeling of being left alone when everyone else is having fun. Or it could be a dawning realization that I am not where I am supposed to be.
We are meant to belong somewhere, what we do are meant to have significance in a fellowship. We are meant to know that we contribute for the good of everybody. Aristotle even called it the true meaning of life, and the only road to happiness: I will be happy if I use my life experience to make the world better for everybody.
It does not always seem like that.
When I light a candle for us, I focus on the relations and fellowships I am part of. I look at my obligations. I light a candle to concentrate, to remember where I need to be, and to go away from the places I do not belong. I light a candle to remind myself that I am never alone, there is always a “us”. Perhaps not where I can see it, perhaps I have to search for it.

As we were hiking at the Refugio road some days ago, I saw this tree. It reminded me that to be a tree that gives it fruits for the world to enjoy, it is not enough to have roots. It is also not enough to look at those roots and examine the tangle they form. To grow, the roots need to be in the ground, on a place where they belong.

I light a candle for us, for all the fellowships I belong to, and pray my roots will be rooted where they will grow.

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes

We were at a concert. John Hiatt were singing “Have a little faith in me”, Lyle Lovett was singing, Ryan Bingham was singing. We all lived and breathed with the music. As I do. Singing in the Choir in a big cathedral is one of the most soul centering things I ever did. I sing when I walk, when I drive, when I work.
If so, why is not Music one of my untangling tools? I thought about that last night, perhaps because I always have music in me. If I listen I will always hear which tune my soul is reverberating with just now. Sometimes I open my mouth so everybody can hear it, most of the time it is just my silent tune. When I am really troubled though, the tune sometimes stop.
That is when I have to light a candle. Lighting a candle makes me focus, this is what I need, a prayer forms, this is the most important thing, this is how my soul looks like.
So even as I light a candle as prayer, a cry for help, it is also a cry for guidance, help me back on track. Help me remember and keep doing what I need to do, help me stay where I need to be. I have not listed prayer either, as music, prayer is not a tool that I use, it is a way of breathing. When I forget to breath, lighting a candle makes me stop, rest, inhale deeply and know, not what I have to do to untangle my tangle, but how I have to live to be able to start untangling it.
How do you breath? What does your soul look like?

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes. This is from the National Cathedral in Washington

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.”
Martin Luther

I used to think Martin Luther was quite silly and irresponsible to say so. Come on, a minister! Shouldn’t he be comforting, evangelizing or praying if he really knew this was the last day?

Then I thought he was stubborn. Really how arrogant can you be? As if he said, I do not care what you say will happen, I dare you to challenge my priorities!

Nowadays I regard Martin Luther as I do Sam in the Lord Of the Rings. As the real hero. Motivated by life, not by the forces that threatens it. When Frodo get’s all puffed up by the importance of his task, he is tempted to yield to the power of  the Ring. The big political issues and the possible powers clouds his mind. The ring entangles his thoughts so that in the end he is not able to perform the simple task that should complete the excruciating journey to the top of Mount Doom. The true hero is Sam. His life is what he wants it to be, his motivation is to keep it that way. He is not fighting Sauron, he is clearing away the forces that will ruin what he loves and keep him from his loved ones.

When life get’s entangled, the aim is always to get back to the life we want The other tools help us remember that, to sort out, to fight, to prioritize, to list. To make room for what is true and to cherish that.
I think Martin Luther tells me that if my task is to plant an apple tree, it is not a prosaic unimportant task, it is why I am here. I am also challenged. As I will never know when my world will end, if what I do is worth doing it should be worth doing every day, to the end.

So I keep de-cluttering, I keep sorting my socks, I keep trying to be organized. Never as it was life itself, always because I need to be able to find my spade when planting trees, because that could be why I am here.

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes.

Totally spoiled, I know, but that is how it is to belong to the privileged part of the world. The thing is, I have a personal valet. He follows close behind me wherever I go. He is in charge of my appointments and my bank accounts, he maps out the route when I am going somewhere, he even wakes me in the morning. If I feel creative he has most of my pictures and music in his archives and retrieves them for me to play with. Actually he knows everything that goes on in this household.

Then, on thursday night, he was kidnapped. One minute he was there, the next he was gone. I did not realize it until hours later, and panicked. Could we really trust him or would he share everything he knew with his captors? I immediately went out to look for him, no luck. I did not sleep well that night.

Early friday morning I went back to all the places I had been the day before, talked to people, emailed others, left my contact information, looked and asked, searched for clues. Nowhere. I went home to inform the police and the company where I got him. First I had to vacuum and prepare for the guest that were coming though.

And there he was. Mr. Android Samsung himself, hiding under the seat cushions in the couch, camouflaged in his black leather gear in the black leather sofa, safely asleep, out of battery with the sound turned off.

There is not much you can do to avoid your valets to take this vacations. For now, mine has got some tracking devices and stuff, and then I’ll see if he improve, I do not really feel I can trust him anymore.

From the untangling point of view I am worried though. I really did not like the way I reacted when he was gone, stressed out and totally unable to concentrate. What is this? Could it be that I have allowed my self to be too dependent on external memory? A part of the problem is having some valets of the Android family and some Apples, that absolutely do not talk to each other. The main problem, I think, is the way I store everything as if it was of equal importance, everything jumbled together. Which in turn makes me dependent on the memory, battery and compability of these devices for everything. What then of the few important bits of information that I could need when the electricity is gone, or my phone is lost or there is no coverage? Could it be an idea just to write it down on an index card? Trusting a valet that can disappear in a sofa, how silly is that?

In November I take part in the NaBloPoMo,  in the BlogHer network. I post every day on “The Untangling Tens” what women do when life gets tangled. These are the ten tools that worked for those I have asked, what are yours?

All pictures in this blog are taken by me, Solveig Mjolsnes. Today’s pictures is from the calming walk at Summerland beach after I found my phone.