Do nothing, do no thing

Lost?

Lost?

We were in Disney World, me and four children.
We laughed, had hotdogs, did the rides, had the best day ever, until we strolled away from the ghost train and I suddenly discovered that we were me and three children. When did we last see the four-year old?

I grabbed an attendant who stopped the ride and searched the train, no little boy.
An alert was made, and I was told to go back the way we came, back to the entrance.

More running than walking down a little hill we saw people assembled at a plaza, I feared the worst and forced my way through the crowd, children in hand.

There he was, like a bird in a cage, running back and forth, crying, not hearing any of the kind voices trying to reach him, not seeing any of the ways out, just running.
He did not hear me either. I crouched down, in the middle of the square, stretched my arms wide open and caught him in an embrace when he whisked by.

He collapsed, shaking, sobbing: “I did not know what to do!”

We sorted it out, we celebrated the reunion, we had a tale to tell when my husband came home from work.
I am often reminded of this day though, every time panic is almost taking control.
Every time I hear my own fretful voice:” I do not know what to do!”

Then I stop my self, just before I start running in circles, doing everything, trying anything, working up a frenzy.
Just then I tell myself, If you really do not know what to do, it is probably best to do nothing.

Not forever, not never doing anything, just now. Relax, breath, stop.
If there really is not anything you can do, the best thing is to do that, nothing.

If  there should be a thing you can do, one tiny step in the mess you are in, you’ll have to be real quiet to find it.

More often than not there are things we could do, there are things we should do, and in hard times the way forward will take strength, integrity and effort.

Perhaps our running about is just the lazy way of spending our strength in a way that does not demand anything? It is easier to wring our hands, cry, do a lot of activity and then say to everybody I am totally exhausted, and there is nothing more I can do. Everybody would sympathize with that, poor you, you have done everything you could have done.

No one will be willing to say, perhaps you did the wrong things, perhaps you wasted your energy doing pointless things, when your strength was given you for the task only you could do?

I think that is what God is doing. Looking down on the earth he sees us running about, busy, busy, and he wonders, did I not tell them clearly what is important? And he does it again: In quietness and trust is your strength (Isaiah 30:15). Not never to do anything, just now to do nothing, nothing else than stop, wait and trust.

 

A serving heart

Old Statue in Oppdal church, washing each others feet

Old Statue in Oppdal church, washing each others feet

A kid was crying,loudly.
The plane was fully booked, and late.
The trip had not even started,yet everybody was annoyed.

Then a kind voice is heard in the loudspeaker.

“Hello, everybody, I know we did not do our best today, for the rest of the trip we will do better.”

And then:
“Even if you rightly feel someone should serve you now, I will ask you all to see if you can find in your heart the kindness to serve this little boy first. He is crying because we did another mistake and placed him away from his mother. Who can help him? And as you know every good service you do will come back to you!”

An angel of goodwill passed through the crowded plane, everyone relaxed, and lots of people waived their hands willing to switch seats, willing to serve.

Even if I had to stay with my own kids I felt that this kind stewardess at Southwest Airlines made the trip better for all of us, by just practising the very basics of human relations, asking forgiveness, asking for help and being willing to serve.

To do what works, to know what does- a daily post on learning

Life is not that easy

Life is not that easy

I am a hands on person, even the theoretical stuff has to work on some level or other for me to grasp it. So when I studied theology  I could feel my brain go all mushy when studying theories of ethics, to do what’s right? Yes.

Lloyd Schermer: An America Puzzle, 2005

Lloyd Schermer: An America Puzzle, 2005

To be able to categorize the different intellectual schools defining” how and why and if so”s? No.  Even God makes it simple,  to love your neighbor as yourself. That’s it.

To me that is what life is all about, understanding this: to know what works we have to ask, not presume that I know what is best for someone else, but constantly learning, asking, being willing to think new thoughts, look for new solutions.

Greensboro Lunch Counter, Museum of American History

Greensboro Lunch Counter, Museum of American History

The irony is that when I went back to do my MBA at a business school,  ethics was suddenly interesting, necessary and important, even as an academic subject. I think the reason was just that, I was older.  I had lived, asked, wondered and been curious so that I could grasp  the existential questions behind the theory.

Now Aristotle and his ethics is my constant companion when I am working with groups of people. He insisted that the highest wisdom, phronesis, is the practical wisdom, the one we learn through doing, reflecting, sharing, to be able to repeat doing what works. Not that books and tools is not important, it is just that they alone can not be a road to happiness, still according to Aristotle.

There is an enormous energy and endless possibilities in asking people to contribute, to share their practical wisdom. There is no force stronger than  a group of people who stand together and has decided, this is our values, this is what important to us, this is what I have to stand for to respect myself, this is how we will build a better world.

Last week I walked from Union Station in Washington DC, down Constitution Avenue, to the Reflecting pool. Next week it will be 50 years since the March on Washington also followed that path. Have we learned? Yes. Are we still learning? Yes. Do we still have a long road to go till that dream is true? Yes. Is it possible? Only if we keep asking, sharing, standing together, only if we keep being willing to learn from one another.

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A handful of choices or a hand full of choices

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If there was any professionalism at all in the palm reader in today’s prompt, she would have asked to change seats. If not she would soon have known that she had met her equal. Not for reading palms, but for loving to hear people talk about them selves.
Of course I would have taken her hand.
I would have listened for the tremble in her soul.
I would have searched her eyes for her guidance light.
I would have felt for the energy in the space her body occupied.
Most of all I would have been eager to let her talk, all the way probing her words for what she really believed in.
As for my hands, I know what they would tell her, as I just had a manicurist tell me that.
She turned them over, looked at them, and looked surprised. “You know”,she said, ” I think you actually use your hands!”
I was so happy to hear that, I would have been sorry if somebody thought I let that precious gift lie idle.
If they could I would hope they tell a story about being open, not clenched.
Of lifting people up, not holding them down.
Of giving comfort, not sorrow.
Of creating, not destructing.
Of caring, not neglecting.
Above of all of love not war, of peace, not conflict.
And even if I do not believe in palm readers, I believe our heart shows in our actions, as in our hands.
Walking through the Smithsonian National Art Gallery in Washington DC today, I found hands showing hearts all over. Well, at least as the artists saw them! Perhaps it is all a lie?!

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Dreamscape

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Our house was getting too small.
Or our lives were too crowded. We were to busy to do anything about it. I was not able to go to sleep, tossing and turning, worrying and thinking. When I finally drifted into a troubled dream it suddenly all made sense. I had just dreamt that we had an extra room that we did not know anything about. I felt calm, relaxed and happy and slept soundly the rest of the night. The next morning I was halfway down the stairs, going to open the door to that new room, before I realized how impossible that would be in a house that we had built ourselves.

I still knew the dream to be true though, I just was waiting to understand how. 

I prayed and waited, thought and wondered. 

For several weeks I did not understand the answer, even if I got one clue after another.

 I was asked to write some texts. I was asked to design some book covers. I was asked to do some creative sewing projects. I had some paintings framed, and sold them. I was asked to sit on a board. 

Not out of the blue, I had always done these things, I had just not known that I had to do them. 

Now I know, I am happy only if I create something. 

Not necessarily things, even peace has to be made. That is how I regard counseling, coaching and board work. To create in these settings is to visualize and to make a setting where reflection is possible.

My soul told me that it was not really the physical space that was too crowded.My whole family was suffering because I had acted as there was no place for my soul. 

Now I know the dream was true, now I know it is up to me to make it possible.

Small steps won’t take you there

Long path, small steps

Long path, small steps

I just finished mopping the kitchen floor. Which is good, I suppose. I like having a clean house. The question is, do I like it most of all?

My mother in law and me was just finishing up the preparations for a party. We both love that, and she is really good at it. Even so, we were running, doing too much, as the wrong things had been left for the last minutes. “It’s the small steps, every day, that takes you there”, she said, ” it’s a pity they are so boring,” she added.

Lot's of the same, boring?

Lot’s of the same, boring?

I just read Julia Cameron’s advice, to do a few simple things, each day, and keep doing them, is what gets her creativity flowing and her books coming.

I know they are right. Just yesterday I was trying to find the rhythm and the habits, the long road with the small steps that actually will take me there. Wherever that is! In my mind, having a year off is a gift to cherish, and too precious to waste. Which makes me set lots of goals and make plans to get there, the only thing is I get frustrated by not seeing any results.

And it is not because I am lazy, it is not because I am unstructured, it is not because I waste my time. I had just forgotten the most basic strategic knowledge of all.

IMG_5709 dunesIf you are going in the wrong direction, even small steps won’t take you there.

As for boring? Don’t ask me, I am never bored. I might not know where I am heading though.

Look! Sand!

Look! Sand!

The beginner’s guide to jealousy

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If I was really jealous, and still had a friend, I would write her a letter to let her in on the secrets of jealousy, it would not be anonymous though! 

I’ll share it with you, there are a lot of tricks to be learned! 

Jealousy is a prickly weed that goes well in a bouquet of envy, greed, ungratefulness and ignorance. You may chose to make this arrangement as a wreath on your front door, place it on your dinner table, or best of all craft it into a small buttonhole nose gay. You need to make only one, as it will sprout, grow and cling to every human you approach. 

It is so easy to care for, every resentment and snide you ever utter will make it grow, you do not even have to think about it! It just takes some small adjustments in your daily routine. 

 First, every time you smile and start to enjoy yourself, stop and tell yourself that what you have is actually much less than you are entitled too. 

Second, if you should feel the slightest inclination to be happy when a friend achieves something, remember to tell yourself how much better you would have done given her opportunities.
If you ever have leisure time always find something to do that you think somebody else should have done. 

Above all, always remember never to give anything away, always compare and keep complaining. 

If you succeed you will be able to establish a thriving jealously patch in your home and your workplace, that will be felt by everyone around you.
Just by practicing a little every day you will soon be the most jealous, grumpy, miserable, friendless person you will ever know. 

You will not realize that this is you though, as you will cling to the fact that there is a lovelier, richer, nicer you somewhere if you only got what’s meant to be yours.
Keep practicing, or you’ll just have to enjoy life.

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Wisdom and knowledge- a dailypost on mastery

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Where is the Life we have lost in living? Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

This is among my favorite quotes from T.S. Eliot. Even if I really am curious about almost everything, I did not think I was going to do any other exams in my whole life. There is a time for everything.  I thought the time was come for applying my knowledge, let it merge with my experiences, reflect upon it and mature into wisdom.

Not anymore!

Not anymore!

Then we moved to California. I bike along the not so quiet Pacific every day, marvelling at the view, and my wanderlust paired up with my curiosity, wouldn’t it be fun to sail over those waves? I could have lived with the dream, but my husband seized the opportunity to get his Country Girl join him on the seas. Now we’re in the middle of the first course, the exam is tomorrow, and my brain is crowded with all those words that I honestly did not think anyone was using anymore. “Helms-alee” and “ready about” for instance.

P1020743 st[ kursWhat I do find that learning a new skill, just for fun, helps me see new aspects of everything I thought I knew. For me, it releases creativity and reflection, and do make me wiser. While I will never be a master sailor, I know that just using my brain, my hands and my body in new settings enriches my life and helps me living it to the full. To me learning is not about amassing theoretical knowledge anymore, it is all about getting to see more and more pieces of the wonderful puzzle called life.IMG_1190 b;lge

While waiting for the answers

IMG_5622 skyerWould it not be nice if we could do the math of life first, then go ahead and fill in the unknowns in the equation, and then…just sail through life? Even when it is almost unbearable to wait for an answer, a solution, for healing or for success, that is just what we have to do. I listened to an inspiring talk on mathematics some days ago, which made me write this post on going on even when we do not see the end of the road. I borrowed an expression from the lovely blog of Gleaning the nuggets, I do not think luck comes to the prepared mind. I think the prepared mind is able to glean those small nuggets, to see the tiny steps that eventually will take me where I need to go. Not being able to see the whole road before me or remembering every bend until now is not really a valid excuse for not staying on the road, is it? I think the big answers, like” is this a road?”, and “where does it take me?”, also gets answered through the tiny nuggets, the small steps.

IMG_3323 childhood church

My dream home

Building a nest.

Building a nest.

It was a rainy, cold sunday afternoon, one of many in a rainy, cold summer. We would have loved to curl up with a book and a cup of coffee. Our children were running wild though, back and forth in the living room, having so much pent-up energy. We just looked at them and each other, and went for our rain gear. Come on, we are going for a walk, in the woods! They were jumping and running in front of us for a little while, then they stopped and walked very silently close to us. What’s the matter with you guys? You may jump and shout as much as you like here, why are you so timid? The youngest looked up at us, with eyes that said “you do not really understand much, do you?” then he explained it all to us. “You know, when I am at home the world is this big and I can run everywhere” he said and stretched his small arms in front of him. ” But when I am outside” he continued, and crossed his arms in front of him and made himself even smaller ” when I am outside the world stops just here”, he said and wiggled his little finger in the crook of his arms. His words ring in my heart whenever I get too ambitious in any homemaking projects. Building a dream home means nothing if it does not make its inhabitants able to call the world their home. Building my dream home is done by nourishing and supporting everything in myself, my husband, our children and our guests that make us feel happy, content, safe and also daring, confident and able to be at home wherever and with whoever.

I love flights of fancy, I do dream of beautiful homes and wonderful settings. I do spend lots of time making our houses lovely and welcoming. But most of all I dream of a world where all of us, no matter who we are or where we live, may safely and happily go out into the world, jump and shout for joy, and know, I am at home. I think I already won that lottery, I am building my dream home, every day.